It’s Over – Spoken Word Reading

A few days ago, a dear friend of mine, Aaminah Shakur, wrote a poem titled “It’s Over.” After reading it, I said to them, ” I HAVE to record this!” With their blessing, I made a recording of it and posted it. [Transcript below the Soundcloud display box.]

Written by Aaminah Shakur
Read By Sumayyah Talibah

Transcript:
Hi, this is Sumayyah Talibah, and I am reading “It’s Over” by Aaminah Shakur.

You don’t see my grief
Don’t hear the tears
in my voice over the phone
Don’t notice the resignation
in my body or pain in my eyes
You go on like nothing
Nothing has changed
in your world
I walk through the day
spent
Think still maybe it was
just a nightmare
That’s why I’m so tired
Nothing seems real
You don’t even notice
The world has ended

There is a euphoria
that comes from new creation
Between the hysteria of listening
to the old beloved work
His voice soothes me
in ways yours only grates
Even as one diva passes
A new diva rises up
trying to take his place
You are oblivious to both

They don’t love you
like I love you
If what we had was good
how come you don’t call me
Anymore
You
come in at 3am on a weeknight
No words of contrition
No idea why I am awake
with worry
Call me paranoid as if
men like you don’t ever die

I lay here with two voices
battling in my head
Prince and queen
One brought the sexiness
and romance you never gave
One speaks to my degradation
inflicted by you
over and over
There is my heartbreak
splayed across the screen
pouring through earbuds
Yes my anger wells up
within me
The longer you avoid me
the more you ignore me
the more I ask myself
Why do I stay
why
am
I
still
here

I never stopped believing
I deserved the kind of loving
he sang about
I can’t believe you don’t
even try to understand
There is another, you know
I don’t need you
but I want you
Even as you hurt me
still I want you
still you excite me
You don’t even compare to
the options I have
but still I want you

When it suits you to say
you call me queen of the world
but you don’t treat me like the queen
I know I am whether you see it or not
Would you want to be with
anyone less than me
Your ego requires someone lower
than you see yourself
but you would never be seen
with someone who wasn’t worthy
of you
I fail to understand
why you are obviously
so ashamed of me
I fail to understand
why I tolerate
your shame

Nighttime pours down on me
and tears come so easily
I hear your phone calls
You think I don’t understand
when you tell your family
I am crazy and cause you stress
And I hear
you making plans
I hear you sweet talking other women
making dates
getting to know them
Getting them to do the things
I used to do
In my bed alone I hear you
and I don’t want to care
but I do

Sometimes I think even your anger
is better than your indifference
How can I come home from what
should have been a triumph
and you don’t even ask
How did it go?
It didn’t go as well as planned
My heart hurts from racism
on my first foray out of the house
in months
I’m upset but you don’t
even notice
You have turned neglect
into an art form

I’m not gonna text him
I’m not gonna text him
I’m not gonna text him
I’m not gonna text him
I’m not gonna text him

But not because it would
bother you
not out of some “respect”
you don’t show to me
He wouldn’t answer anyway
He thinks he is a counterpoint
to your failures
all of which he can name
because he knows you well
But I’m just a conquest
or perhaps a nuisance
He says he loves me
but he can be gone for months
Didn’t even text back for two days
after my message “Prince died.
The world has ended.”
Haven’t heard from him now in two more
may not hear from him for six months

I wallow in this state of decay
unwanted pussy
You ask me if I think about sex
but why would I think about
something you aren’t even offering?
I remind you it’s been a long time
you say you don’t want to hear
because “I wasn’t part of it”
But you could be part of it now
right this moment
if that was what you wanted
Instead you stay in the other room
grow silent
I lay here alone
two lovers who offer
no loving

 

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